TWEEK SAYS: THIS IS GOOD!!! (or not) 

An open letter to Mike Patton: Stop it. Just knock it off, already. All this half-baked, mediocre crap you seem so cynically, cockily dedicated to? Fucking stop. It's over. The well is dry. The new Fantomas is just the saaaaaame ooooold bullshit. Oh wow. Stop, start, stop, start. WOO! I'm impressed. No one's ever thought of that before. No, wait, that's what i said when the first Fantomas CD came out. Now, you're just making a fool out of yourself. Delerium Cordia - weren't you on a John Zorn CD called elegy that was the same kind of stuff, only about a million times more interesting? OVER TEN YEARS AGO??? The 2nd Tomahawk CD, i have to admit, has some amazing songs on it, but really only when compared to the first CD, which is just a garbage dump. The Fantomelvins live cd is the ultimate testament to your complete lack of substance. DEAD WEIGHT. Really, the last good thing you did was the Dillinger EP. Before that, it was California. I watch Angel Dust era interviews and pine for the days of that funny, bright-eyed, antagonistic weirdo. In about 12 years, you've aged 25. You now come off as some bitter, cynical old man who's been through the ringer and wants everyone to know about it. And it shows in all the sparkless, joyless bullshit you involve yourself in. So, you know, put a cork in it. 

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I finished the final book in the Dark Tower series a couple of months ago. On the whole, I have to say that I am satisfied. The last book, in particular, was pretty emotionally moving to me. That almost NEVER happens with books (to me). That in itself should prove its worth (again, to me). The ending is pretty fucked. Really bowled me over. I stewed about it for the next few days. But now it's all over and I have nothing left to look forward to. Bleh. 

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One band that just never got their fucking due was San Francisco, CA's own GROTUS!!!! A fucking amazing band, to say the least. They existed in the early to mid 90s, with 3 full length's, an EP and some singles rounding out their discography. And they were just, like, really heavy but totally not metal. And very sample-driven but totally not industrial. And uhhh.....i dunno, they just wrote some of the best, dirgiest anthems ever. Huge, dark, groovy, anthematic dirges. Try and check out Slow Motion Apocalypse, if you care.

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Seeing as Daiquiri is a 2-piece band now, I'd just like to point out some other amazing "duos" in the rock game: Grand Buffet, Canned Hamm, Lightning Bolt, Jucifer, Zip Code Rapists, Ween (classic Ween, that is), The Death Folk, Mates Of State, The Frogs, The Satutory Apes. The list goes on. So, SEE??? SEE????

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So, yeah, like i said earlier, the new Fantomas is retarded. Next in line is the new Queens of the Stone Age album. What the hell???? Man, this band used to be so AWESOME! Such a great blend between heavy, dirgy, down-tuned metal and all-out pop melodies. Like Isis but with the catchiest vocal melodies. The new album is just......the lamest, limpest, most blunt sounding crap in the world. It sounds like Never Say Die era Black Sabbath or something. Actually, what it really reminds me of is that retarded Eagles Of Death Metal band. Nuff said. 

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Doesn't it suck that there aren't any ugly bearded men writing soulful songs and making hits anymore? Like, doesn't it seem like a group like the Beach Boys could never be huge again? These days, once you turn 25, your career is pretty much through. I'm only reffering to popular music right now, obviously. And really, what is and isn't number 1 has no bearing on what i or anyone who truly loves music thinks is good. But tune in to your local AM oldies station and take a listen to what was considered pop music THEN and compare it to what we got going NOW! It's vile. It's like pop-song CRAFTMANSHIP versus fucking....like a bunch of catch-phrases and T & A surrounded by beats. Then there's the rock, metal, and "alternative" uh..alternatives, all of which are JUST as bad as the pop stuff. Is there any difference between Linkin Park and N Sync? The answer is FUCK NO! This is definately, without question, the worst era for popular music, and there's no end in sight. I wonder if it seemed this bad before punk rock exploded, or even alternative music circa 89-90. I remember things were cheesy, but this bad? For this long? I don't know.

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An hilarious sidenote to all that, one i was talking about with M. Darren Plunkett is the maturation process of young artists as they gradually drift towards aldulthood. Take the Beatles or Beach Boys or Stevie Wonder or whoever: Young, teeny bopper type artists, started out playing bubblegum pop stuff, as they grew up, started writing more introspective songs, keen on experimenting, taking their craft more seriously, etc etc. All for better or for worse, of course. I'm just saying that's how it was for many noteworthy "popstars". Anyways, now it's like, how can you tell a young popstar has reached maturity? WHEN THEY'VE GOT A NINE INCH DILDO STICKING OUT OF THEIR ASS!!! When you "come of age" is basically when you become a pimp or a whore. Funny! Mike and I both agree that Christina and Britney should just stop beating around the bush and make their next videos bukkake. Just do a tight shot of them in a kiddie-pool, pan out to reveal a harem of dudes surrounding the pool and, well......figure it out.

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The other day, whilst driving from Toronto to Ottawa, Mike determined that all the members of Good Charlotte are like huge, thick, gooey pieces of chocolate cake, melting in the sun. I'm inclined to agree. And go so far as to stake the claim that everything even remotely associated with Good Charlotte is like thick, gooey chocolate cake. Ever try and sit through one of their songs? It's like wading through molasses with fuckin ski-boots on! We also couldn't imagine things getting ANY worse than Good Charlotte. Cuz, first Green Day came along and lowered the bar a little bit. Then came Blink-182, and Green Day didn't seem so bad. Now, Good Charlotte make Blink seem pretty hardcore. Green Day are like the fucking Sex Pistols, at this point. God, things are obviously gonna get worse. I just can't wrap my head around it.